Today’s CelebSlap

On a daily basis we are inundated with gossip and news about everything from war to what some dumbassista was caught wearing at WhoCares’ party. Sure the war bit is genuine news that people should know about…but that celebrity bit? Who really cares? But it annoys me to the point where I want to commence to pimp slapping all of those whining babies who can’t seem to either get their glorious, tanned and oiled bodies into the limelight enough for fear of fading out into certain obscurity or do anything and not look like they are committing class A douchebaggery. So I want to start a regular CelebSlap here on Get Jack’d.

I want to preface this by saying, I do not visit these websites. Typically I am searching around for one bit of information or another and I come across links or statements that are such incredible train wrecks, I can’t help but take a peek. This time around it’s all about some nobody (someone I never knew existed until today) named Heidi Montag.

According to this pathetic Hollywood Gossip Rag, Heidi Montag works out 14 hours a day to recover from weighing in at a whale-besting 130 pounds. This extra poundage is thanks to her love of pie. Maybe the real problem is the 10 plastic surgeries you had to turn yourself into a living Barbie doll — complete with matching brain!

The hollow-headed woman says: “My breasts, because they’re so big, really needed some time…So I’m just starting to work out again after my surgery. Sometimes I get shooting pains, but I hear that’s normal.”

Sometimes — people like that just need to get the stupid slapped right out of them.