The Monster Cage Match continues on. Last time the fight from Hell took place, Candyman took down Freddie Kreuger. It was snark vs. basso profundo — with ‘the voice’ coming out on top!
This time around Candyman has to go up against a rather horrible foe with nasty leather wings and a penchant for eyeballs and human meat. Of course every big nasty has it’s achilles; but is the Creeper’s flaw enough to allow the Candyman to take it down? Let’s find out.
First, let’s revisit Candyman.
Pros
- The voice
- The hook
- Bad ass enough to scare Cabrini Green
- Kick ass artist
- Masterful pimp coat
- Did I mention ‘the voice’?
- Can be summoned with voice and mirrors
- Bad ass enough to have a sound track by Phillip Glass
Cons
- Can be killed by fire
- Love makes him weak in the knees
- Serious sweet tooth (diabetes any one?)
- The second movie was BAD (and not in the good way)
And now, let’s take a look at good ol’ Jeppers Creepers
Backstory
The “Creeper” is an ancient immortal demon, which hunts every twenty-third spring for twenty three days to feast on human body parts. Upon consumption of the flesh, form part of its own body. Centuries of doing this, as well as the Creeper’s supernatural origins, make it virtually impossible to be killed.
Impossible? Let’s find out.
Pros
- Seemingly immortal
- Leathery wings, always a plus
- Must have an amazing dentist
- Can get a stake in the eye and just pull it out
- Can smell out fear from miles away
- Has the persistence of a Jack Russel from Hell
- Lives in the Sistene Chapel from Hell
- Drives the most menacing vehicle since Christine
Cons
- Only appears every 23 years
- If you’re not afraid of him, he can’t find you
- Depends upon his sense of smell to find fear (hello, allergies?)
- Depends upon the body parts of others to continue on
- Sense of monster fashion is off the charts bad
I really would like to give this win to Candyman. The problem is — that invincible thing the Creeper has going. Oh sure, most monsters are invincible, but this one is special because he can simply continue to take the body parts of others to keep him going. Candyman… he had to have a hook. So even with the voice and the pimp coat, Candyman cannot compete with such powers.
Winner: The Creeper!
Do you agree? No? Let us all know why you either agree or disagree in the comments.
Come back Friday to see who The Creeper must take on to continue his reign in the Monster Cage Match from Hell!
Bwahahahahaha!
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