Humpday Horror: What we’ve learned from The Walking Dead

Wow — what a cliff hanger. The collective audience of The Walking Dead were left dangling from a cliff so high, it was almost impossible to see the ground below us. It was thrilling, it was horrific, it was … frustrating!

What? Frustrating? Oh, I guess I should add a bit of a preface here. Let’s see …

What in the hell is up with the mid-season finales? We see through your shenanigans. We know these shows are too costly for you to afford an entire season. So, to make it seem like we’re getting a full season, you cut it in half and give the show a bit of a break. Thing is, it’s been proved that hiatus has a detrimental effect on the show. Or, is it that you’re buying shows in smaller chunks now in order to have a bail-out plan should the show tank?

Well, I gots news for ya, The Walking Dead is here to stay, so you can scrap the mid-season finale.

Anyway — enough with the rants. Let’s get back to the show, or at least what I’m going to discuss about the show.

I will begin this by saying I am not a fan of spoilers. I know too many people who have yet to see this season or this last episode. Besides, I’m not a fan of the usual, cookie-cutter review that spouts of opinion as if it were fact. What I want to do is highlight a few things that the second season of The Walking Dead has taught us so far. Prepare yourself, it might get a bit conspiracy theorist up in here.

What we’ve learned so far

Remember, we’re dealing with the apocalypse. And zombies. Men and women going crazy. Cats and dogs living together…you know, mass hysteria. Among all the chaos, a number of issues has arisen. Here are just a few:

People need people

No matter how much you want to think you can go it alone. You can’t. Even thought it might seem like the silent ninja, only having to fend for themselves, would be an ideal situation come the apocalypse, it’s not. You’re alone. No one has your back and no one has your front.

There are two reasons why I strongly believe alone is the wrong way to go:

  1. Loneliness Kills. You will get lonely and I’m not talking “I wish I had someone to talk to.” kinda lonely. I’m talking the “Holy mother of Stephen King, I’m not only talking to myself, I’m answering myself.” kinda lonely. Getting apocalyptic-grade “me time” will turn into “we time” even though you are the only one there. You’ll be chatting with volleyballs and eventually you’ll be inviting zombies to tea.
  2. Share the burden. When the apocalypse strikes, we’ll all be doing things we never thought we’d have to do. Milking cows, growing crops, wearing the same panties for weeks at a time…Ewwwwww! Seriously? That was your reaction? Your in the middle of the apocalypse and you’re worried about soiled undies. Get over yourself! But honestly, it’s going to be a tough world. You’ll be fighting zombies, angry humans (trying to steal your stuff), doing everything you can to convince crazy old loons to let you stay on their farm, turning red necks into lovable characters…you know the drill. Most people don’t have a full-blown McGuyver gene in them (is “McGuyver even relevant any more?), so going at it alone isn’t going to be an option for most.

Trust no one

Dare I conjure up one of my favorite shows from the past and quote Fox Mulder? I didn’t think so. If you’ve paid close enough attention, you know that no one can be trusted. Not your best friend (he’ll sleep with your wife), not the white haired old man (he’ll horde zombies), not the cute cow-girl chick (she sleep with you and then go ape-shit), not the pretty, crazy-eyed blond house-wife (she’ll shoot ya), or not the little girl (she’ll run off). And you certainly can’t trust zombies. They are tricky little bastards who’ll pop up in the strangest of places.

Zombies are HAWT

Okay, I don’t mean that in the “I wanna jump in the sack with the undead” kind of hot. What I mean is that the zombie finally has its time in the spot light. It seemed as if the sparkly, hunky vampire had taken over dominion of the limelight and wouldn’t share a single second of its fame. Well, True Blood and Twilight, there’s a new Sheriff in town and his name is apocalypse. There’s something undeniably appealing about the end of the world that people are finally clamoring to have a piece of. Maybe there’s something that rings far too true with this show. Maybe the tanked economy, a government more concerned about itself than it’s people, maybe growing unrest between nations … maybe all of this has the population in a state of unrest such that the apocalypse doesn’t sound so bad?

But then … I don’t know. My biggest fear is that a viral break-out, the likes that would cause a zombie apocalypse, would put us in a state of political panic and the citizens would wind up under complete control of a government who can’t even wipe its own ass without having a partisan-fed argument.That is horror. True, unadulterated horror.

We have yet to see the government step in a tragically wonk things up in The Walking Dead. My guess is that is a potato the writers simply won’t touch. But I’m tellin’ ya, when the outbreak occurs, wouldn’t we want the virus to take down Washington DC first? Or could we survive without a government that doesn’t seem to care about us in the first place?

Apocalypse Wall Street — The slow, shambling movement.

What about you?

We’ve learned quite a lot from the little show that could (eat your brains). Of course there’s much more than the paltry list I have. Tell us all, what have you learned? Share with my readers what you’ve learned from The Walking Dead in the comments below. And until February, keep nomming!