Humpday Horror: Douchebaggery

Ladies and lovelies of the Jack-verse, it is a damn small world out there. It didn’t used to be. In fact, when I was a child the world was GINORMOUS. Actually it wasn’t, because the interwebs had yet to be born and LOL’d that word into existence. So it was just unfathomably large. Now… that size and scope of the our earthy digs has shrunk to Barbie Dream House size and we’re all dangerously close to being way too up close and personal for…wait for it…


That’s right, I said it.

Douche. Baggery.

I see it all the time, asscranks acting as if they own the world and have the right to treat people however they want. It’s like a bunch of CEOs from Fortune 500 companies were let loose on the playground and are demanding everyone play the game their way and to not play with their toys.

It’s awful. It’s disgusting. It’s disrespectful. And I think it’s time we all put a stop to it. Just say no to Douchebaggery.

I’ll be honest with you — Shero said I could — there are a lot of people out there that are simply not nice. They feel like the world owes them something, and at any given moment are prone to fits of child-like tantrums. What they don’t understand, what they don’t get, is how small the world is and now connected it’s inhabitants are.

Say what sister? Let me explain. Let’s use Mary and Jo to be safe.

Mary writes a book and hires Jo to do the edits of the book. Jo agrees to the edit the book, but the price for the edit is WAY high, but Mary (bless her heart) KNOWS she needs the edit. Mary also knows she’s strapped for cash. In the process of setting up the job, Mary and Jo decide to work out some sort of method of payment (heretofore unknown and possibly quite sexy — but that is quite beside the point).

Eventually Jo gets the edits to Mary and they are not quite as good as Mary expected. So Mary withholds payment.

It all goes to shit from there.

What neither Mary nor Jo seem to understand is that both parties are well connected to the world. And both Mary and Jo’s connections are quite connected. With that important fact swept under the carpet, Mary and Jo go about slandering one another on the intertubes, to the tune of pissing each other very much off. And so Mary tells her connections to avoid Jo and Jo tells her connections to avoid Mary. It gets nasty. Everyone loses.

Where did this train wreck REALLY go wrong? It went wrong when either one of them drew first public blood. When this happened word spread like mad and both looked like children. What these two should have realized is that their public image is VERY important.

Oh, did I fail to mention both Mary and Jo are writers?

NOW you see where I’m going with this…

As a writer, I have a very public persona. That public persona must be at LEAST:

  • True to who I am.
  • Always presented in a positive fashion.

It also helps to have a public persona somewhat in line with my fan base and who can represent my work (horror, thrillers, SHERO!). This one isn’t so easy for some people to grasp, but it’s also not nearly as important as this one simple edict:
Don’t be a douchebag!

Seriously, what with politicians, shirttuckers, criminals, and apathetic teens around there’s enough FRAKKING DOUCHEBAGS out there. We’re writers. We sell a product and part of that product is OURSELVES! Do you honestly think readers are going to want to buy books written by unsexy douchechumps.

Look, we all have to play in the same sandbox and that sandbox is getting smaller and smaller by the month. Everyone in the game must know that what you throw out there will come back at you. You throw out ugly and it will pimp slap you across the face. You throw out beauty and it will gently caress and kiss you across the lips.

Which do you prefer? Me? I prefer to toss out as much beauty as I can.