Fabulous Friday: Straight men in make up

That’s right, I’m going there people. You know one of my favorite things is to take that envelope (the one everybody just mindlessly pushes around) and kick it, drown it, draw on it, set fire to it, and generally have my way with it. Why? Because it’s who I am. You will not find a single iota of shirttucker in this guy. What you will find is a strange mixture of chaos that settles down into a nice sense of order. And one of those bits of chaos you will find in me is the desire to wear make up.
I’m not talking clown, mime, or hooker paint…shoo…what I’m talking about is a nice subtle touch of fantastic! A little eye-liner here, a smudge of eye shadow there, a bit of mascara you know where. And maybe, juuuust maybe, on a special occasion, a bit of lippy here and there. Why? Why? Why, you ask? Simple. Because I can.

Ask yourself this question: Why do women wear make up? No, it’s not to attract men. I have news for you guys, women do NOT get pretty for us. Women, much to our chagrin, get all dolled up for other women. And no… this is not a lesbian fantasy I’m trying to build up for you. This is reality. Women only make themselves up for the competition. They want to make sure every other woman out there KNOWS they are prettier and will go to great lengths to prove their point.

Men? They don’t care. Hell, if most men had their way, they’d be in ass-scratching sweats, nasty stained tee shirts, and worn out baseball caps 100% of the time. On occasion men will get fancied up if they think there’s a chance they might get laid. We might even shave! And that’s the way society has pretty much drawn the boundaries. Men aren’t supposed to care what they look like. And when they do, oh how the labels fly. Mextrosexual. Gay. Homo. Bieber. You name it.

Why? Because make up is for women? Hold on a minute! Back when make up was first created, it wasn’t gender specific. Men and women both used make up to cover the rot on their skin. Men and women both applied layers of make up in order to look beautiful. Somewhere along the way (thank you to Hell and back Puritans) make up became a pox upon the male species and any male interested in vagina need not apply.

That, my lovelies, is a shame. Why? Because, let’s face it, some make up is sexy as hell! Don’t believe me? Look at Johnny Depp and tell me THAT isn’t sexy. And it’s baffling how most men haven’t picked up on that. Think about it this way: All those rock stars and celebrities women so often swoon over (again, I refer to Mr. Depp)? You think they walk out of their boudoir without a bit of concealer and eye lovin’ applied? Hells to the no! And women LOVE it. Love it, love it, LOVE IT! Yeah, go on ahead and deny it Matilda, but I’ve got your number.

Here’s the thing guys, I’m going to start a campaign to get men concerned about their looks. I’m not talking about feeling like you have to start caring a Man Purse around with you (although it is quite handy) and take my lead and don a skirt. What I’m saying is that it’s time to stand up for your right to want to cover up that bit of imperfection so you can walk out of the house with your strut back on.

It’s time woman realized they aren’t the only ones that can cover up the things they don’t want us to see. They can conceal, lift, compact, stuff, pucker, separate, and do all sorts of incredible feats to make themselves feel sexy. Damn it, it’s time we got our sexy on as well.

So, who’s with me men? Are you ready to grab that eyeliner pencil and make those eyes pop? Are you ready to look your woman in the eye and say “Girl, it’s time you teach me how to apply eye shadow and help this man look his best!” If you need a good How To (as men are wont to have), here’s a great WikiHow to show you guys just how to do that. And…even better… here’s a wonderful tutorial on creating “smoky eyes”. You go dude!