Today has been one of those days. It started with a phone call from my editor informing me about some serious changes that had to be made to one of my books. No big deal. I’m always down with change and her changes (as always) are spot on. It was good advice for a book I wrote nearly ten years ago. I was a young writer at the time and everything I wrote then needed help.
But after that conversation, that old hateful mistress “self doubt” came to visit and I started wondering if the book was even any good. So many possibilities running through my head, so many questions, so much doubt. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to scream out or cry. Ultimately, however, the changes to the book made it much stronger.
There is always an however.
When self-doubt grips your heart and your mind it’s painful. Writers have to suffer though this sort of mental pressure most of their careers and when it hits you it packs a powerful punch. I’ve been downed by it on a number of occasions. In this case, the full recovery will happen once the book is finally up for sale and the public voices its opinion.
I have put so much effort, love, and care into my work. And soon those words will belong to the readers. Until then I will continue nurturing and molding those words until I have nothing left to give them. Hopefully, when its all said and done, I won’t be weeping in a corner.
I do love the craft of writing. My heart and my mind have so much to say and offer. I just have to make sure the two of them team up and kick the snot out of self-doubt when it reappears. And it will reappear.
That nasty bitch.