As you know, I write a lot about the apocalypse. So much so, some days I feel as if I’ve actually lived through it. Because of this, I get asked a lot of questions. Most of the questions are about zombies, how best to kill them, and how do I really think they’ll come about. But every once in a while someone will ask me how I plan on getting around once the Big A happens. Well, I have a simple answer for that — Bike.
Nope, I’m not talkin’ Harley or Crotch Rocket. I’m talking one of the single most elegant and efficient forms of transportation ever made. The bicycle.
I’ve given this one plenty of thought and the answer boils down to two different types of bikes. The type of bike chosen will totally depend upon your needs. One is chosen if you plan on having a home base and need a means to get here and there to find supplies or need to locate survivors. The other is chosen based on the idea that you are constantly moving and do not have a home base of operations — the world is your home. Let’s talk about the first.
The out and back
If you’re looking for a bike that will get you from point A to point B and back again to point A, the bike you need is a mountain bike. Why is this the best choice? Because you’ll need a bike that is capable of riding over nearly any terrain, in case you run into a gang of moaners or screamers. Now, don’t just choose ANY mountain bike. Take a look at my Gary Fisher Superfly SS on the left. It’s a lightweight, mean-ass, racing machine. It’s fast, it’s light, and it’s made of carbon so it won’t rust! That last bit is pretty important. You need something for the long haul so either take a carbon or titanium frame. I also choose a 29er so you’re rolling over the detritus of death more easily.
You’ll also want a sizable pack with a hydration system to carry with you. You’ll be getting supplies and you don’t want to weigh this bike down with panniers.
The Long Haul
The next type of bike is for when you don’t have a home base and will be traveling from town to town. The best choice for this is a bike like the Surly Big Dummy. As you can see (in the figure to the right), the Big Dummy has not only panniers, but a rack and you can even get a bob trailer to pull behind it. With this bike you’ll have plenty of room to carry everything you need to survive the apocalypse.
Now don’t think you’ll be sprinting off on the The Big Dummy like you would on Superpimp. So you’ll have to use a LOT of caution and keep your eye out for the undead as well as other survivors wanting to jack your Dummy.
The apocalypse can and will be survived; but in order to do so, you’re going to have to stop using conventional wisdom and realize that getting behind the wheel of a car just won’t be an option. Cyclists will rule the Big A, so you better purchase your bug out bike and start getting used to pedaling for your life!
And for those who could really geek out on this topic, I give you the following list of tres interesting links:
- Bug Out Bags and Survival Kits
- Bob Trailers Ibex
- Kamp Rite Midget Bushtrekka (Pull behind camper for bikes)
- 300 Lb capacity pull behind trailer
This has been a public service announcement by The Zombie King. No zombies have been harmed in the making of this post.