I often ask myself this question. Where are all the sparkly, hunky zombies?
Why is it the only time you see sexy zombies is on a zombie walk where the female participants really want to get noticed? Why has Hollywood not jumped on the sexy zombie bandwagon? If I really use my mind-meat hard enough, I can come up with two films that include attempts at sexy zombies:
- Stripper Zombies
- Return of the Living Dead 3
The former is obvious. I mean seriously … if you’re going to have a film titled “Stripper” anything that anything best be sexy. The latter is not so obvious, but the main zombie Julie Walker (Played by Melinda Clark) does for zombies what Jeri Ryan did for vamps in Dracula 2000. And even though Return of the Living Dead 3 isn’t the best take on the zombie story, it’s served up well with a smattering of sexy. Apart from that, you really need to stretch the bondage of reality to find more sexy in the world of zombies. There’s the Australian “Mad Max for the 2000’s” in the film Doomsday. But that’s not so much zombies as it is post apocalypse. And then there’s always Resident Evil but Mila Jovavitch never joins the ranks of the undead.
Before you reach through the ether and pimp slap me about, I fully understand why Hollywood has such a time sexin’ up zombies — they are, generally speaking, rotting, smelly bags of walking pus that really only want one thing — your brain. What sexy woman or man wants a person only for their brain? That’s right — only a rotting, smelly bag of walking pus. And we all know that’s not sexy. Oh sure, there are those out there with a zombie fetish. I believe we call them Necopheliacs. But writing a book or filming a movie about a Necropheliac has challenge written all over it. It’s like making a rapist likable. A cannibal? I can see that. After all, look what Anthony Hopkins did in Silence of the Lambs. But I dare say, even Sir Hopkins himself couldn’t charm up a moaner or screamer.
Obviously, I love the zombie genre — both books and films. What is there not to love? You have a genre that not only holds great potential for horror, but also social commentary on politics, the human race, and the state of the world. But I do believe it’s time to give the zombie his and her sexy due.
After I finish up with my next Fringe Killer book (Endgame), I have two choices — I can write my first vampire novel (based on a short story I created for the Indie Eclective — that collection of fatasticalabulus stories, written by some of the most glitter-worthy, upcoming super stars in the indie-scape, will hit the shelves this October) or I can begin the new zombie series based on the I Zombie trilogy. I wouldn’t mind dropping a bit of sexy into that new series. It is time the apocalypse gets a face lift and a boob job anyway. Right? I know this new series will be bleaker and darker than the I Zombie trilogy. But that doesn’t mean I can’t add a bit of smexy to it.
I will be making the decision on what to write next very soon. In the meantime, I highly recommend you give one of these fantastical books a read: