The science of zombies
Science. Who doesn’t love science (besides the Creationists)? Science is our friend and it helps us to not only improve our lives, but helps to understand how things work. Of course, in some instances, science can wreak a little special flavor of havoc on our lives. One such way is the creation of zombies. That’s right, I said it… zombies.
Huh? PFLAGZ (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gay Zombies) unite!
I digress. Let’s get back on topic. Zombies are not a creature born into being. Zombie are made — turned — not willingly. And being turned into a zombie can happen thanks to man, nature, outer space, other zombies, voodoo. That’s right, voodoo. Let’s examine the differing ways in which a man, woman, or possum can evolve into one of the undead.
This is one of the more popular possibilities, mostly because it typically involves a juicy conspiracy theory. That conspiracy usually includes a government or multi-mega-corporation hoping to take down a vast majority of the population of mankind. As a general rule this is handled via a weoponized virus unleashed on the planet through either the air or by infection a small, mobile cross-section of living beings. Once those beings are released, they then infect the living — and the circle of death is not left unbroken. How this works is typically a virus is created in some secreted lab and then some other, third party, seems to want to steal said virus and shenanigans ensue. Either that or the virus is simply released by the government-cum-megalopolus into the wild where it then spreads like peanut butter on toast.
Believe it or not, the first of the zombie movies, Night of the Living Dead (George A. Romero) brought unlife to the unliving thanks to a meteor from outer space (as opposed to a meteor from inner space). This meteor had just the right fixins to turn man into zombie and the rest is, as they say, l’histoire. Now typically the meteors are of the green glowing type and are always approached by some half-wit who doesn’t know better than to NOT touch something that just fell from the sky. Some call that, the culling of the heard.
Mother Nature can be a really cruel bitch at times. She is the single most powerful force in nature and if she wants to unleash hell on Earth she will. Oh yes, she will. And since evolution is Mother Nature’s bitch, if she wants to evolve some dread sickness onto the race of man, by gum she’ll do it. That mushroom you just kicked? The one that released all those spores? How do you know those aren’t the spores of doom? There are so many remote locations on this great green planet we’ve yet to touch, who knows what thrills, chills, and bodily spills lay waiting.
Have you ever seen a little film called The Serpent and the Rainbow? If not, I highly recommend you do. We’re talking about Voodoo Priests burying living humans (although they do seem dead) and turning them into Zombies. If that movie doesn’t make you realize the power of Voodoo, then you might want to check yourself for a pulse. Anytime I hear the phrase “I want to hear you scream.” I curl up into a fetal ball and wish it all away. Using voodoo to create zombies typically requires the creation of some crazy-ass powder (using the bones of something, the eyes of some other something, and some plants I never knew existed) and then blowing it into the victims face. Said victim coughs a bit at first, but later the real fun begins when they seem to die. A little bwahaha here, a little bwahaha there and the next thing you know, that person is screaming from within a buried coffin.
Books, movies… each choose their own path. Which route did some of the zombie movies take:
- 28 Days later — Man.
- Night of the Living Dead — Outer space.
- White Zombie — Voodoo.
- Sean of the Dead — We don’t really know the origins, but ultimately it is spread by “man”.
- Resident Evil — Man.
- I Zombie series — Man.
Of course with most of the “zom coms” (such as Shaun of the Dead) we don’t really see the origins — but we certainly do enjoy the hilarity that doth ensue! And each type has its allure. Personally I prefer the man-derived zombie, mostly because it ads the imperfect human condition into the mixture and exposes how greed, power, and ignorance can effect man on a most epic level. But outer space does add some pretty big science into the mixture — and who really isn’t into some big science?
What’s your favorite method of zombifying man and woman kind? Are you all Cajun-smexy and go for the Voodo? Or you likee some conspiracy theory? Share you thoughts, but not before watching the “I want to hear you scream” scene from The Serpent and the Rainbow. Enjoy my lovelies.
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