Misfit Monday: Shero
I’ve had enough. Seriously. I can’t believe My dear friend Jack has gone this long with his Misfit Monday and not taken the opportunity to do ME!
Wait, that came out so deliciously wrong.
Look, this place needs a little pretty hung up on the walls and who better than to bring the pretty than little ol’ Shero? That’s right, ladies and gentlegirls, it’s time you all got Shero’d.
I want to ask you a question. What is fabulous, truly fabulous? Define a word, smack a bitch with your websters and impress me with your brain skills. To me, fabulous is magic — the ability to make everything around you brighter, happier, more glittery. Now, let’s couple that word with Jack’s favorite Monday word — Misfit. A Fabulous Misfit. To the unwashed masses that might be a contradiction in terms. But to me, that combination of syllables might well be one of the most beautiful collection of letters mankind has to offer.
Even more lovely than “Mary Jane” or “Silk Stockings”.
That just put a tingle in my tushy … but I do digress.
Fabulous Misfit. What does it mean to be an FM of the world? From my tastefully done, mascara’d perspective, a misfit is someone who takes it upon themselves to go against the grain, to turn the system inside out and say “To Hell with your cookie cutter ways!” A misfit re-defines society, yanks off the tidey whities and slaps on a satin, junk lovin’ thong. A misfit doesn’t care when the the shirttuckers stare, point, and make merry at their expense. A misfit takes back the sexy and makes it their own.
That is the Shero way. And Shero likee.
Oh listen to me speaking in third person. I might as well be queen. Who am I kidding, I am queen — Queen of Kick Ass!
My name is Shero. I am a superhero. I lead a group of good guys known as The Society of Superheros (aka SSH). My superpower? My main weapon of choice is my katana. It holds more wonder than a Miracle Bra and will cut through bad guy bullshit like a new pair of heels on virgin Achilles flesh. But look out! Just when you thought my blade was enough, out come the secret weapon of secret weapons — my fingernails. Those bad bitches shoot off my fingers and embed a special kinda poison you. You’ll think I hit you with a rufy and left you out to dry the next morning.
Bam! Pow! Can I have your number now?
There’s one more thing about me you must know. I’m not your ordinary superhero. You see, although you might find my incredibly feminine beauty almost too much for the naked eye to witness in one evening, looks are deceiving. Underneath my kick ass little black dress is a secret almost too much to reveal without at least getting dinner out of you. But then, I have tied up our dear Jack and placed him sweetly in my closet (you think he’ll ever come out of there?), so I suppose I must reveal all.
Keep it clean Matilda!
I am…a transgender superhero. That’s right my dearies. Underneath this sexy finery is all man. Go on, look a little closer.
Oh now, you’re just getting obscene! And don’t you dare touch, that’ll cost you extra big girl.
Seriously though…I am a transgendered superhero. I not only stand up to evil, but I stand FOR everything that should be right and just. For all of you who have ever been tormented for being different. For all of you who have lived your lives drawing outside the lines. For all of you who feared persecution simply because you were one of those things that wasn’t like the other — I am here to tell you, at all costs, be true to who you are, be true to what you do.
I am the poster girl for everyone who threatens conventional wisdom. And when those who would bring you down get up in your face shouting “freak”, I beg you to yank those lemming’s khakis to their ankles and show them you are more man than they’ll ever be and more woman than they’ll ever have!
And with that, I give you the Birdmen of Alctraz and “Conventional Wisdom”. Make it your war cry and know that you, my lovely misfits, are Shero approved!
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