2012 wasn’t a bad year. In fact, for many it was quite a good one. I had a particularly good year (on many levels); but as a whole, 2012 left a bad taste in the collective mouths of the people over the world. With 2013 a breath away, I say we all look this new year in the face and say “Look year, you damn well better improve on what you offered over the last year or the junk punching will be legen–wait for it–dary!
Here are my suggestions as to what 2013 needs to do to improve its game. This shouldn’t be too much of a challenge.
1. End reality TV
Quite frankly, reality TV’s fifteen minutes were up sixteen minutes ago. 2013 needs to be the year of smart television and the end of trash. Society doesn’t need any more train wrecks to ogle. Let’s scrap the shores, the wives, the bachelors, the factors, the dancers, and pretty much every show on TLC and MTV.
2. Ban auto-tuners
Musicians simply need to actually, and factually have talent. 2013 needs to stand up to those that call themselves musicians but can’t carry a pitch unless it is done so in an electronic bucket that guarantees robotic perfect pitch. The new year needs to punch those talent-less jackasses in the pitch-imperfect throats.
3. Rid us of stupidity
Much of the world’s problems would be solved if stupidity wold be outlawed. We wouldn’t need to worry about gun control, sagging economy, crooked health-care systems, and much more if stupidity was stamped out. Forget the war on drugs — we need 2013 to fight the war on dumb!
4. Help us be accountable
2013… I beg of you, make everyone accountable. Don’t let people slip by without taking responsibility for their actions. You have the power to shake those idiots by the shoulders and say “Listen bub — you did this, own up to it!” With more people accepting their part in making the ass both big and dumb, things might just shape up pretty quickly.
5. Kill the memes
This is what my friends think I do. This is what my parents think I do. This is what I really do. 2013 — could you please show us just how asinine memes really are? Help us to realize that memes are little more than candy for lemmings. Thank you dear 2013.
Okay, 2013… you’re almost here. You have your work cut out for you. But if you can pull off the above five things, I firmly believe you’ll be able to look 2012 in the face and say “Suck it!”
Ladies and gentlefunk, thank you so much for keeping court in the Jackverse. I look forward to a wonderful new year. You’re all lovely.