NOTE: This originally posted in the hallowed halls of Jaywilburn.com.
In honor of being a part of this year’s Winter of Zombie blog tour here is a set of short stories written exclusively for the visitors to the tour. These were started back during the Summer of Zombie tour 2015. They’re from the perspective of one Tony the Zombie and his personal gripes against us humans. Typed out by Greg P. Ferrell because really have you ever seen a zombie use a keyboard, it’s not pretty.
A day in my dead life!
By: Tony the zombie
Translated by: Greg P. Ferrell
Okay Tony the zombie here for another quick installment of Damn you humans! It’s a working title change I’m playing with, let me know what you think by registering your opinion at zzz.noonecareswhatyoufleshbagsthink.gore.
So today I’m going to touch on a very sensitive subject with us brain aficionado’s.
Head shots. Okay enough with them. Just this last week I watched three of my fellow horde buddies felled by the evil practice of headshoting. Do you have any idea how rude that is? Just in case you don’t let me break it down for you.
The first reason is it’s just cowardly. If you don’t have the testicular fortitude to face off with us mano e zombo then you are truly a coward. I mean come on we have no problem walking right up to you ready to claw and fight our way to a resolution.
The second reason is that it’s just not fair. I don’t want to sound whiney but there is no headshot equivalent that we can do to you that stops you instantly. So can we please keep this civil.
The third reason is a little selfish on my part. It’s just plain icky. You see the other day I was directly behind one of my fellow undead when he was hit in the head unexpectedly. Warning graphic content following The back of his head exploded outward splashing me directly in the face with the ejected cranial matter. Unfortunately for me I had my mouth open, performing the obligatory zombie growl, and caught a mouthful of foul hypothalamus. Now I know this would normally be a good thing for a zombie but we’re not cannibals and I have no idea how long my hoarding partner had been undead and what he had been eating. It left such a foul taste in my mouth that I actually lost my appetite and turned around to leave. I later heard that the rest of the hoard had overrun the humans and that the feast of awesome that night. So I missed out on a great party because of what? A head shot.
So until next time remember no more headshots please! Lets keep this civilized and fair. We chase you, you scream and run, we catch you and we eat. So simple even a human can understand.
If you enjoyed this and missed the previous posts you can find all of them up here.
Check out Humanity’s Hope by Greg Ferrell as well.