Nomnomnomnom — that’s the sound of me when I find a new zombie film to enjoy. Naturally I’m nomming brain-flavored popcorn, and not brain-flavored brain. How do I have such delights to enjoy? Science, my friend, science.
Speaking of big, delicious science, I’ve seen my share of zombie films over the years. I thought maybe I should share with you my short list of the best brain-nomming goodness out there.
Of course you understand that science, even big science, has yet to grasp that human quality known as opinion. Because of that, please understand that these only represent the opinion of The Zombie King and nothing else. If you disagree with the following opinions, you can either post a comment, or take it up with my good friend Godzilla (not a zombie, friend of science).
Fido (2006). This film is terrific. Here you have a town where a little boy keeps a pet zombie that just happens to be over six feet tall! This is the “boy and his dog” film not only grown up, but twisted and wrecked with dark humor and a touch of horror. With a tag line like “Good dead are hard to find.” How can you possibly go wrong? You can’t!
Deadgirl (2008). This film comes to us from the producer of Hellraiser and Heathers. Do I really need to say anything more? Of course I do. Two high school boys come across an abandoned mental asylum complete with a girl who cannot die. This is a sick little film that mixes dark psychological character exploration the usual sick thrills associated with the genre.
Versus (Japan 2002). Ever wonder what the Japanese version of Benicio Del Toro would look and act like? Well, take a gander at this Japanese Samurai battle zombie flick and you’ll full appreciate that which is the wackiness that is Japanese cinema. This film is a great blend of martial arts and zombies with some fairly killer fight scenes and plenty of awkward sound effects.
Dance of the Dead (2008): If you’re a member of the disenfranchized, apathetic youth movement (or someone who has ties to one such zombie-ling) you’ll enjoy this moody, zombie comedy. It’s another attempt at metaphoring high school, only this time it’s zombie and not vampires. Plus – you’ll get some cute ideas for prom dresses!
Dead Snow (2009). You KNOW I loves me a good combo of zombies and Nazis — and this baby has ’em both! This flick has a good combo of gore and humor (like a certain zombie series we all know and love, eh hem!) And has one of the best death scenes that includes an outhouse you’ll ever see!
The Bunker (2001). German soldiers stuck in a bunker during WWII all of a sudden feel like they are surrounded by the enemy. Thing is…is there really an enemy there? It’s a bit tough to stretch this film into that of zombie land, but the “monsters” come so close to zombie-goodness, and the film is so damn stylized and moody, I had to include it.
Planet Terror (2007). Here’s what I have to say about this film: Rose McGowen in a tube top, with a machine-gun leg. Oh, there’s also an insane scene that includes the death of a zombie BY HELICOPTER!
Now, I will happily dodge the sharpened shovels, arrows, and acid baths as you attack me for leaving out your favorite zombie flick. But I’m ready. I have science on my side and with it I will create such a nasty, evil creature as to make you soil your pants so hard you’ll run crying to your mommy to change you!
Science is THAT bad ass! Science makes Chuck Norris look like a Catholic School girl.
Oh, wait…
And for those of you who haven’t had enough SCIENCE, I blind you.
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